So…time for some more random reflection. It seems like every time I do reflect, good revelations and epiphanies come out of it. And plus, it doesn’t hurt to exercise my vocabulary. Alright, so I’m still stuck at this point in my life where I don’t know what to do with myself and I need to figure out fast what it is that I’m good at and will enjoy doing for the majority of the rest of my life. And one thing that’s holding me back is the fact that I have so much else going on right now with school and people and leadership and sigh. So many papers are coming up for me. At least this week is supposed to be pretty stress-free, so I can lay low and work on those this week. Maybe I need an alone-time sabbatical somewhere that I can steal off to on campus. Hmm, what would be a good place? Allen library with the study-booths is an option…and ACES is always comfortable. The Union gets kind of loud and isn’t as nice of an option at night. I’ve never really studied at the main library before and I need to go do some research there anyways. Krannert’s an option still but that gets iffy at night too. Espresso Royale might be a good option for alone-time w/o getting totally alone. I think I’ll retreat there this week. Oh, and I do need to visit ISR sometime this week b/c I virtually promised Nathan I’d go visit them. Hmm…I wish I wasn’t so lonely. I wish I could get a lot more done by myself and still be happy while doing it. But usually I just feel like crap after spending a lot of time by myself and getting nothing done. And I can’t imagine relying too heavily on anyone that I’m around now, not even Sarah. Mostly because she’s got certain nuances that I can’t ignore and that bother me sometimes when I’m at my low. And I’m sure it’s the same way vice versa. I once thought that I was full of patience and kindness, but it’s been chipping away since the year began. I no longer have the ability to explain calmly and carefully what I think is wrong, and now it’s just a lot of provocation and confrontation or intolerance and annoyance. And it kind of scares me what I’m becoming, but I’m not sure what to do. I know I ought to look to God for that sense of grace and mercy but it’s getting harder and harder now because I can’t seem to find satisfaction in anything. And when I’m not rewarded like I want to be, I find it hard to be thankful. And I am a selfish, stupid human being and I deserve my comeuppance…but I don’t know when I’m going to change and my comeuppance is going to end. It’s hard to be hopeful where I am right now.