the other day

Seattle, Washington/08-11-08/12:40 a.m. Eastern

There’s a girl yelling to someone next to my waiting area and everyone’s turning and staring at her, but either she doesn’t care, or she’s completely oblivious that she’s being obnoxious. Maybe I’m bitter, maybe I haven’t had enough sleep, but I’m pretty bored waiting at gate A14 right now. I feel unsettled. I’ve decided people in Seattle aren’t nice…they’re so intimidating. I feel like an idiot when I’m talking to them. Maybe this city just makes people irritable…because it never sleeps? But I feel like all the customs officers were really racist, either intentionally or not, but their agricultural check was completely un-random…and I’m not sure why I got picked for it…I waited for 45 minutes just to be sent on my way within 1 minute of putting my luggage on the belt. Note to self: don’t move to Seattle, ever. Within 15 minutes of being on American soil, I felt like getting the heck outta here. Maybe Cincinnati won’t be so disappointing. As far as I can remember, it isn’t. As for before getting here, it was alright. Aunt He-Mei, Aunt Rui-Ri and her husband, my eldest aunt, Ting-ting, and Jasper came to send me off. I like Jasper, nice fellow. Hopefully Ting-ting doesn’t mess things up between them before they get a chance to reach their relationship’s full potential. Anyhow we got there super early because of my mother’s phone calls, so my eldest aunt bought me this adorable owl solar-powered bobble-head thing and I got myself a postcard to put on my bulletin board. Then they bought me ice cream. Finally my mom kept calling to make me go in and let them go home, so we went down and I started crying first and hugged everyone goodbye. Boarding the plane was easy, and the 11 hour flight went by so fast. I sat next to a Filipina-looking girl. She slept nearly the entire time and didn’t get up at all, and I guess she was just uncomfortable the entire time but held her composure well, because she ended up using her sick bag during the last 10 minutes of the flight. Poor girl. I slept around 5-6 hours and watched movies the rest of the time and before I knew it, we were in Seattle. It felt like a 4 hour flight, but I watched Kung Fu Panda, 88 Minutes, Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, and part of Iron Man, so I guess I was awake a lot longer. I wonder how much I threw off my sleep schedule and if it’ll make my jet lag easier to deal with. As for right now, I’m not sure if I need a ticket, because I’m on a connecting flight. Hopefully not? I’ll go ask the clerk at the counter in a little bit. I think part of my awkwardness/embarrassment was the fact that I had had coffee and was seriously wired and couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I haven’t felt tired since I had it, so I guess that’s the trade-off. But black coffee with 2 sugars and a cream should probably be consumed sparingly. And now I’ve nothing better to do but sit here. I hate bitter, sleep-deprived me. It makes me feel like one of the people that I’m pissed off at, and the hypocrisy is frustrating. I should definitely take a nap on the plane. It’ll be 2:40 a.m. anyways. I’m thinking of my next two weeks and how overwhelming they’re going to be…I guess now would be a good time to pray to God to keep me sane and composed and let things come to me one step at a time. Oh, and that I might stay nice. Yesterday we were in the car on the way to the airport and my aunts for some reason that I don’t remember started talking about Christians that they know. And Aunt Rui-Ri said that a Christian couple on their 3^rd floor that happen to be elders in their church never even say hello to them on the elevator. Not even a smile. And it hurt really bad for some reason to hear them say that this was their impression of Christians. Yet, there’s nothing I can do but pray that somehow my behavior and actions might somehow change their impression, and that once I’m gone some other believer might shine a good light in their lives. It’s so regrettable, and I guess for many of us we don’t even realize that with the tag ‘Christian’ comes…great responsibility. Maybe it’s something that we ought to focus on first, even before the whole blatant evangelism bit. I think it’s even more important that explaining the gospel initially. It makes sense to me that one should earn someone’s trust and respect before they would even take you seriously and not as another religious hack trying to convert them. The impression that I would want someone to get when I explain the gospel to them is that I want the best for them, and to give them the joy that I myself experience. Too often they would think (and this is from being a non-believer up ‘til my teens) that the church is pressuring us to evangelize and that we don’t really know what we’re talking about. Even though they might know that we mean well, our true intentions aren’t known to perhaps them or us. Our interpersonal relationship isn’t enough of a catalyst for our words and efforts to mean anything beyond courtesy and ‘nice-neighbor-ness’. I’d rather really mean it when I evangelize to someone…that what I’m saying is fueled by real intent to save them. Because that’s really what it is…we tell the message of Jesus to save them, that they can have the everlasting joy and life that we ourselves have experienced. Otherwise I wouldn’t feel confident enough to say what I know, and I think they would realize that too. So personally, and I can’t say this for everyone, but I’d rather approach new people with an attitude that says “Hi, I’d like to be your friend and let your get a glimpse of Jesus’ love through me” and not one that says “Hi, you should accept Jesus as your personal savior because that’s a good thing”. And I’d like to say what I mean and as importantly, mean what I say. And I’m going to end on that cheese-ball statement and go back to listening to Johnny Mayer. Another hour and a half ‘til take-off.