leavin’ on a jet plane

i’ve spent the whole day watching jake and amir videos. gosh wayy too addicting. how come things that are clean and good for you not fun?? i understand why things that aren’t good are seriously addicting, but why can’t …i dunno, national geographic documentaries be that interesting? gah, trying to be productively strait-laced is so difficult when you have 9 hours of free time with a laptop every day. but anyways, i only have one more day of this and then it’s over. oh boy oh boy, home. and trying to find my way home. meh.

so things i want to accomplish and do this coming year…i made a list of the extracurric’s i wanna get involved with, so i’ll start there i guess.
Krannert Center Student Assn. – 6+ tours a semester @ 3pm, ushering, mtgs, newsletter?
IV Small group leading – 4+ hrs a week (+ outside prep time)
Crisis Nursery - 2 hrs/wk Sat. 12-2
Convopartners - 1 hr/wk
Psi Chi/UPA - 1 mtg/mo. (total:5+), 4 committee mtgs/events ($60 ->Psi Chi Rm 9 in PsyB mailbox->Connie Rm 10)
TASC? - 1 mtg/mo.; social events

it seems like a lot, but we’ll see. i guess this means no time for dating anyways. no time = no chance = no hoping = no loneliness? screw it, i’m not going into this year again expecting anything romantic to occur. i just want to bond with a lot of different people, work hard in class, encourage the Word, live a Christ-like life, be there for people, not bail out/give up when drama happens, and just enjoy myself and be grateful for what i’ve been given. but i don’t want to seem like i’m living my life like a job…i want to feel like what i do is influential and respectable and that people will want to learn from me. in a way i want to be cool and be commendable at the same time. but i don’t know if those are allowed to fit together. i would just like to ask Jesus if what i want to become is what He wants me to become. if i can still be godly when i listen to secular jazz/blues, wear lots of accessories, apply lots of product in my hair, and write poems that aren’t about Him. am i really allowed to straddle two paths at once? is there a way to do it? how different exactly are ‘living in this world’ and not being ‘of it’? again, maybe i’m just deluded myself, but i get the impression that the good christian not only follows rules, but can’t spare much thought for physical appearances and worldly things. maybe we can, but i’m too afraid that it would be a slippery slope situation for me. if i let myself do so, i’d lose focus fast. maybe this won’t be such a problem once i’m back in that world. maybe it’s just being here in a big city with city people. God, i hope i’m not disappointing you…